Valentines Day is quickly approaching. I'm sure you have been made painfully aware of this by the tacky red and pink hearts in shops and the advertisements for expensive shiny things and cheap boxes of chocolates.
If you talk with anyone about this time of year, you will likely encounter some pretty strong opinions. The big schools of thought seem to be that:
1) Valentines Day is good because it’s good to show your significant other that you love them,
2) Valentines Day is completely preposterous because we should be showing the people we love that we love them every single day,
3) Valentines Day is bad because it promotes the excessive romanticization of romantic relationships and thereby devalues platonic or familial relationships,
4) Valentines Day is bad because shops use marketing that promotes materialism, and in participating in Valentine’s Day, you are promoting the capitalist takeover of the world.
Many seem to ardently hold these strong opinions and also seem very quick to make judgements. Personally, I also used to have a pretty intense distaste for Valentine’s Day, but my opinion has changed over time. Nowadays, it looks like this.
Firstly, most if not all people are emotional beings. We like to know that we are safe and loved, and we like to feel happy and excited. Knowing that, if there is someone that you love, it is likely important to you to make that person feel loved and also to once in a while inject a little of the happy, butterfly-stomach feeling into his or her life. So there, we’ve established that making kind gestures to one's romantic partner is important.
Valentines Day is a day for making those gestures, which we have established are nice to make. This brings us face to face with the next opinion: Valentines Day is silly because we should be expressing our love to our loved ones every day. A wonderful sentiment, and honestly, that was the school of thought I belonged to for a long time. And then I asked myself this question: How often do I do this? The answer was: not often, and more specifically, approximately once every one or two months if not more infrequently.
So here’s the thing that I am now fine with conceding: I am not a purely rational being and I also do not have a good concept of time. Even if I know I should be telling people that I like them every single day, I will inevitably become completely entrenched in my professional and intellectual activities, and I will forget to make the gestures that I know I want to make. For this reason, I need a reminder.
And so, my current opinion is that Valentine’s Day is convenient and helpful because without the reminder to make nice gestures to people, I would forget. And that’s okay. With that said, I also don’t think that once a year is enough. If you took the amount of happiness someone gets from a massive gesture once a year and compared it to the aggregate happiness from tiny gestures many times in a year, it appears that the latter is far bigger for the people that I know well. Accordingly, I ask myself approximately once every one or two weeks if I have made a gesture.
Regarding the argument that Valentines Day devalues non-romantic relationships, I am a firm believer that the only two factors that can devalue my relationship with some person B are person B herself and me. Valentines Day may exaggerate the importance of romantic relationships, but ultimately I am the one to decide if I buy into that idea or not.
Regarding the opinion that Valentines Day promotes materialism, this is indeed the case. Again, whether or not you buy into the materialism is ultimately your choice. In addition, I encourage myself to remember that everyone is different, and so the things that give one person the heart flutter will differ from those of others. It could mean dressing up in an outfit that you know that she particularly likes, or cooking him his favorite meal, or writing her a slightly awkward but heartfelt letter. The gesture can be extravagant, but it doesn't have to be in order to bring about the intended effect. Remembering this can be useful in reversing any materialist influence that Valentines Day marketing has on you.
So are you a cynical grump for having a negative reaction to Valentines Day? Probably not. There is a lot of pressure put on us all by marketing and media during this time of year, and it’s completely natural to have a visceral reaction to it. If you feel stressed, you should do what you always do to handle stress--no need to take it out on people who love Valentine's day.
Are you a sappy schmuck for thinking about celebrating Valentines Day? Probably not. You’re probably just a kindhearted, empathetic person who wants his or her significant other to be happy. That’s wonderful. Just take the time to think about what makes that unique person feel loved and happy—do that thing, rather than buying a ridiculously shiny box of sub-par chocolate.
And that’s where I stand on the issue. More succinctly and elegantly put, I just wish we could chill out and love each other and ignore all the silly stuff, and it's mostly all silly stuff.
ponderista
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
Thursday, February 2, 2017
about the value of a political opinion
Lately I have been lurking about and reading people’s political discussions. I came across a trend in the discourse that deeply, deeply worries me.
The trend in particular is this: “I can see that we disagree, but you need to respect my opinion. I’m an independent person and you need to respect my right to have an opinion.”
The speaker here is putting two things (1. his right to have an opinion, and 2. his opinion) into one group (things that deserve my respect).
Of course, the first of the two elements does indeed belong in that group. The right to have and develop his own opinion is a freedom of thought, and I respect freedom of thought without question.
The problem is that the second element does not necessarily belong in that group.
I am most certainly not obligated in any way to respect your opinion.
The value of a political opinion is derived from the truth of its premises and the validity of the logic leading to its conclusions. So, if your political opinion is based upon premises that are not true (regardless of whether or not they were true in the past) or if your conclusions are haphazardly drawn, then the value of your political opinion is significantly decreases. Accordingly, I will not respect that opinion because I have no reason to do so.
With that, I think my point is clear. Your opinion does not deserve anyone's respect simply by virtue of existing and being uttered from your mouth. The opinion needs to qualify as worthy of respect.
I apologize that this sounds so aggressive, but I’m being firm for a reason. I have had people show me an opinion that is the intellectual equivalent of a slimy, overripe banana and then demand that I offer their opinions my respect. Who is really the aggressive one here? (Hint: it’s not me.)
The trend in particular is this: “I can see that we disagree, but you need to respect my opinion. I’m an independent person and you need to respect my right to have an opinion.”
The speaker here is putting two things (1. his right to have an opinion, and 2. his opinion) into one group (things that deserve my respect).
Of course, the first of the two elements does indeed belong in that group. The right to have and develop his own opinion is a freedom of thought, and I respect freedom of thought without question.
The problem is that the second element does not necessarily belong in that group.
I am most certainly not obligated in any way to respect your opinion.
The value of a political opinion is derived from the truth of its premises and the validity of the logic leading to its conclusions. So, if your political opinion is based upon premises that are not true (regardless of whether or not they were true in the past) or if your conclusions are haphazardly drawn, then the value of your political opinion is significantly decreases. Accordingly, I will not respect that opinion because I have no reason to do so.
With that, I think my point is clear. Your opinion does not deserve anyone's respect simply by virtue of existing and being uttered from your mouth. The opinion needs to qualify as worthy of respect.
I apologize that this sounds so aggressive, but I’m being firm for a reason. I have had people show me an opinion that is the intellectual equivalent of a slimy, overripe banana and then demand that I offer their opinions my respect. Who is really the aggressive one here? (Hint: it’s not me.)
i need to write more
2017 has crept upon me. It’s February already. I almost forgot to pay rent.
One of my resolutions this year is to write more and to talk to people more.
There are a variety of reasons that I chose this resolution: I noticed that I wonder about things a lot. I like making ideas and contemplating them. However, because I don’t write or talk to people much, I’m left with half-baked ideas that I cannot communicate to others, often feeling isolated and powerless. This is how it has been for a long time, since I was small.
When I was in elementary school, one of my favorite pastimes was to go “fishing". I had my very own fishing net and rod. I took those, some ears of bread from the kitchen, and a bucket down to the lake near my home.
I remember sitting down on the rocks by the lake and balancing the bucket precariously next to me. I balled up the bread and casted the line. The breeze tapped a rhythm on my face with my hair. The waves sighed and licked the rocks. It didn’t take long to get swallowed by the rhythm, and within minutes, my eyes glazed over and I was lost in thought.
I wonder why that homeless guy is always at the bus stop by the grocery store in the morning. I wonder how old he is. He looks pretty old. Maybe he has children. Wait, I don't think I've met homeless kids at my school. I wonder what school they go to. What kind of food do they bring for lunch? Probably sandwiches. That's what most kids have. I guess it makes sense that they would have the same.Actually, how would I know if a kid is homeless or not? Maybe I just don't know. Do I need to know? I probably don't really need to know.
And then there was a tug on my rod. My bait was gone. Ball bread. Cast line. Ponder. Repeat cycle until I became hungry and went home.
Oftentimes, through thinking while fishing, I developed a deeper understanding of the world, a person, or myself, and I could extract some kind of conclusion.
But no one could ever come inside my imagination. I could see, smell, taste, hear, and feel my world, but it was so difficult to explain my imagined experiences in it to anyone else. That was my imagination, and that was all. I couldn’t express the conclusions I drew from it or their significance. I experienced and learned by myself. And this left me feeling isolated, lonely, and powerless.
On top of that, my conclusions remained fuzzy rather than defined in words as concepts. As a result I could not always fully understand their implications, and I often couldn’t build upon them.
This is why writing and talking is important for me. I want to turn my thoughts into concepts that I can communicate to others, that I can record and thus fully analyze and understand. Otherwise, my ideas cannot grow. I cannot grow. And I cannot use my ideas to bring changes I want to see in the world. Pondering and blissfully living in a imaginary world that only I can experience is not enough for me any longer. I want to include others in my world. And I want to use my ideas to make the world a better place.
A key step I need to take is to write and speak.
And with that, I introduce my blog.
One of my resolutions this year is to write more and to talk to people more.
There are a variety of reasons that I chose this resolution: I noticed that I wonder about things a lot. I like making ideas and contemplating them. However, because I don’t write or talk to people much, I’m left with half-baked ideas that I cannot communicate to others, often feeling isolated and powerless. This is how it has been for a long time, since I was small.
When I was in elementary school, one of my favorite pastimes was to go “fishing". I had my very own fishing net and rod. I took those, some ears of bread from the kitchen, and a bucket down to the lake near my home.
I remember sitting down on the rocks by the lake and balancing the bucket precariously next to me. I balled up the bread and casted the line. The breeze tapped a rhythm on my face with my hair. The waves sighed and licked the rocks. It didn’t take long to get swallowed by the rhythm, and within minutes, my eyes glazed over and I was lost in thought.
I wonder why that homeless guy is always at the bus stop by the grocery store in the morning. I wonder how old he is. He looks pretty old. Maybe he has children. Wait, I don't think I've met homeless kids at my school. I wonder what school they go to. What kind of food do they bring for lunch? Probably sandwiches. That's what most kids have. I guess it makes sense that they would have the same.Actually, how would I know if a kid is homeless or not? Maybe I just don't know. Do I need to know? I probably don't really need to know.
And then there was a tug on my rod. My bait was gone. Ball bread. Cast line. Ponder. Repeat cycle until I became hungry and went home.
Oftentimes, through thinking while fishing, I developed a deeper understanding of the world, a person, or myself, and I could extract some kind of conclusion.
But no one could ever come inside my imagination. I could see, smell, taste, hear, and feel my world, but it was so difficult to explain my imagined experiences in it to anyone else. That was my imagination, and that was all. I couldn’t express the conclusions I drew from it or their significance. I experienced and learned by myself. And this left me feeling isolated, lonely, and powerless.
On top of that, my conclusions remained fuzzy rather than defined in words as concepts. As a result I could not always fully understand their implications, and I often couldn’t build upon them.
This is why writing and talking is important for me. I want to turn my thoughts into concepts that I can communicate to others, that I can record and thus fully analyze and understand. Otherwise, my ideas cannot grow. I cannot grow. And I cannot use my ideas to bring changes I want to see in the world. Pondering and blissfully living in a imaginary world that only I can experience is not enough for me any longer. I want to include others in my world. And I want to use my ideas to make the world a better place.
A key step I need to take is to write and speak.
And with that, I introduce my blog.
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