dear racho: motivation

Dear Racho,

I write you this time because I have been a bit down.

Lately, I have been trying to study education and psychology on my own and in classes, with the goal of finding a field that aligns with my interests and objectives. I have developed a bigger library of information and theories in those fields, but for some reason, even with these new concepts and vocabulary, I have a hard time expressing my ideas in ways that are not too vague or abstract. They are just fuzzy little ideas that seem trivial.

This inability to eloquently express my ideas REALLY REALLY SUCKS because this has made it impossible to build upon and improve them. Building upon and improving my ideas are precisely what I want to do, so I'm sure you can imagine that this has affected me to an unimaginable degree. It seems silly when I write it out. I can't seem to find the right words.

Yesterday, I convinced myself that I was a failure because I could not remember the last time I had an interesting thought.

For the past two months, I have had moments when I felt the passion and excitement to read and to learn, but most of the time, I have felt more like I am just walking on a treadmill, looking at the same scenery, not going anywhere, just getting tired and slowly rotting away.

Yesterday, I came to the conclusion that I am sad because I feel like I've failed, and that in turn is maybe because I identify too much with my ability to think and not enough with other things. Previously, I have found a lot of meaning and enjoyment in listening to and playing music, learning about international affairs, and listening closely and trying to help others. I wonder if spending some time doing these will restore some vitality or sense of purpose or whatever is supposed to help, and maybe I can give my wilted thoughts a second chance.

I want to work hard and learn. But I am weary. And I don't know how to restore some of the...I don't know... thing, the motivating thing.

I guess I wanted to ask you: What do you do when you feel lost? What do you do when it feels like the hard work is fruitless?

I would really appreciate your thoughts.

Thank you, friend.

Love and Peace,



Rina